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A little while ago I wrote a post called “Conan the Barbarian – Archie Style in which I followed up on another post about Dungeons & Dragons in Archie Comics. Little did I know at that time that the character of Archie the Barbarian went on to seven more adventures, running from Everything’s Archie #111 (May 1984) to Everything’s Archie #118 (July 1985). You have to forgive me this lapse because unlike many I was never much of an Archie comic reader. Certainly not in 1984, when I was reading Conan the Barbarian, Savage Sword of Conan and Arak, Son of Thunder. I would have thought Archie and other characters like Richie Rich beneath me. This is ironic because Arak was co-created by Ernie Colon who drew a stack of Richie Rich comics. You get a little older and you learn what you missed.
And what I missed were eight episodes comprising the complete adventures of this Sword & Sorcery hero.
“The Gentleman Barbarian” (Everything’s Archie #111, May 1984) was written by George Gladir. Archie and Jughead are sent to kill a dragon for King Lodge. The dragon proves smarter and they work out an arrangement with the dragon providing fire for the king. For more on this first story, go here.
“Finger Lickin’ Maze” (Everything’s Archie #111, May 1984)
With issue #112, the writing chores fell to John Albano who wrote the next seven tales. Albano’s first task was to make Archie more barbaric, less the usual cringing fellow he is in most of his comics. He crossed out the word “Gentleman” and replaced it with “Barbarian”. The first story promises “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. We’ll see.
“No More Mister Nice Guy” (Everything’s Archie #112, July 1984) begins with Jughead hiring Magdumb P. I. (stands for Periodically Insane) to find out who sent a squad of warriors against Archie. It is Reggie the Ruthless. The castle is impenetrable so Archie’s band of warriors isn’t going to be interested. Archie threatens to stab anyone who refuses. Betty and Veronica help out by giving every warrior a kiss if he joins. (We see them hiding with their lips sore from kissing.) The warriors try to storm the castle but are repelled by arrows. Later the men think Archie has the plague because he acts insane. They all run away, leaving Archie and Jughead thinking Archie’s demeanor has frightened them off. That opening panel is as close as we get to Frank Frazetta. The story opens with Archie having beaten up (or killed?) many warriors. The level of violence has gone up considerably from the first strip. We also see Archie under the table drinking in the inn, an S&S trope but a bit of a gamble for an Archie comic. These won’t be repeated.
“The Plum Pudding Ploy” (Everything’s Archie #113, September 1984) begins with Archie and his army surrounded by Reggie’s forces. They escape thanks to a dog that finds a path through the mountains. Betty and Veronica have started their own inn with the specialty of the house a plum pudding. It tastes awful. Archie and Jughead get a message that Reggie wants to parlay. When Archie sees the gorgeous redhead who is Reggie’s messenger, he agrees. At a dinner, Archie fools Reggie and his men into thinking the food has been poisoned. The cure, which he uses to sue for peace, is plum pudding. The fighting is over and Betty and Veronica make a killing.
“Feudin’ Around” (Everything’s Archie #114, November 1984) has another dragon. Reggie fools Archie into the valley of the dragon with a fake message that says Betty and Veronica have been tied up to stakes for the dragon to eat. They have actually been lured away by Reggie’s handsome soldiers. Archie and Juggie take on the dragon but fail to kill it. Betty and Veronica show up and tame the beast with affection. The girls decide to broker a peace between Archie and Reggie. When they show up at the inn, the boys have already started, with fists. Go here for The Dragons of Archie.
“Rescue Mission Mishmash” (Everything’s Archie #115, January 1985) begins with Reggie being captured by Amazons. Betty and Veronica convince Archie to rescue him. They get captured too. The Amazons are beefy chicks who are seven feet tall. It is up to Betty to save them. She bribes one of the Amazons to give Archie a cake she baked. Instead of finding the file baked in the dessert, Archie brains the guard with the cake. The Amazons gather and attack the fugitives. Archie outwits them by leading them to a sign for a dress sale.
“Horse Tale” (Everything’s Archie #116, March 1985) has Archie complaining about his horse. Jughead tells him about Betty’s well-mannered beast named Blue Eyes. Archie and Juggie hang out with Betty and her horse until a local king makes an offer for the animal. Betty and Archie go to the palace but the King’s daughter mistreats Blue Eyes. The duo flee with the animal then get thrown off into a chasm. Betty has the horse tap its foot as a signal but it causes the side of the chasm to collapse on them. A meandering and largely pointless tale.
“Mutton Madness” (Everything’s Archie #117, May 1985) starts with Reggie being defeated by Ivan the Terrible and having his supply of mutton taken. Jughead tries to convince Archie to rescue the meat but he refuses to help Reggie. The girlfriends and sisters of Reggie’s army smother Archie in kisses. This sways him. Archie and the girls go to Ivan’s castle alone, planning to use smarts instead of force. Reggie teases Archie that his men would not follow him. The plan is to pretend to be entertainers, really bad ones so Ivan relinquishes the mutton. Archie trusts Juggie with the meat and he returns with some of it. His belly is full with the mutton from the fourth cart.
“Friendly Foul-Up” (Everything’s Archie #118, July 1985) has Moose make his first appearance. He returns from a hunting trip to tell Archie that Reggie has grown his army to a thousand men. Reggie plans to attack a handsome warrior. Archie assumes this is him. When Archie’s army sees Reggie’s, they flee in terror, leaving Archie and Juggie captives. The duo are hung up in the dungeon with an old man who can unlock their chains. Archie gets a visit from Moose. He has come from Betty and Veronica who wait nearby with horses. Archie mentions he is tunneling out to escape. Moose gives him away because that’s what Moose does out of sheer stupidity.
Conclusion
The Archie the Barbarian strip ends there. With the exception of the second strip “No More Mister Nice Guy” very little “Sword & Sorcery” makes it into this set of stories. These comic could have been produced as Fantasy based on fairy tales or other old media. There are all the usual Archie tropes but very few ideas taken from Conan the Barbarian or any other S&S comic or even barbarian films or cartoons. The milieu is pretty limited with inns and a few castles. Certain Archie regulars don’t show up in medieval costume such as Mr. Weatherbee or any of the school staff, no Pop Tate, Jughead’s dog, Hot Dog, Dilton or many others. If the strip had gone on, maybe some of these would have been brought in. I could see Dilton as a wizard.
As an experiment in Sword & Sorcery humor, this comic doesn’t go far enough. It lacks the scope and big ideas. Which really isn’t surprising. Not many of the kids who bought Archie Comics were into Conan or other S&S characters. This is very much an outsider’s idea of what Sword & Sorcery is. Just as the Dungeons & Dragons episode back in 1981 was. Whether Archie and his friends are cavemen or in a robot-filled future, any of these comics set in fantastical setting are still Archie comics. To expect anything else is, I suppose, silly.
Sword & Sorcery from RAGE machine Books
Fun article. I enjoyed it.